It was my morning alarm again. My body felt like a ton of work. My eyes were tired and weary and heavy as lead. If only mornings could be easier. My skin felt dehydrated and deprived of moisture for days. I staggered my way to the bathroom with my eyes almost open. I was relying on my own senses and my geographic knowledge of my Mother’s house. I made my way to the toilet seat and brushed sitting down. What was this world turning me into? It makes it easier that my eyes were still closed.

I felt like I could punch this day in the gut. Which is where the day should be kicked- in the gut. This day could have been anything it wanted to be in the world. But instead chose to be a Monday. I wished I could snap out of it. I made my way to the kitchen. Took a glass of water and went to my desk. I reminded myself it was a Monday and was about to write.

Even the introduction looked forced (how cute). I could literally force a list of New Year’s resolutions at this point. But I remembered I didn’t write those. We all know they don’t get past February. So that was off the list. Amongst other things like gaining weight and number seven will shock you. Suddenly, I felt like every thought was vague.

I stared at my desk. I stared deep into the shapes. Stationery has a way of focusing on squares, rectangles, and circles. I tried to listen from within for any ideas. I see a mosquito flying by, I could hear the sound it made but couldn’t bring myself to slap it. The house was too quiet. It was six-thirty am and everyone was either sleeping or scrolling through their socials. I don’t remember when social media stopped being appealing to me. All my thoughts were scattered. I couldn’t bring myself to think of anything worth writing about. My ideas and thoughts stumbled on each other like dead leaves.

This was one of those epic fails. To make things worse, I was reading a Japanese poem series. They sharpen their poems like swords for days. They polish them to perfection. Just which side of the mountain do they face while praying. Lucky bastards!

I decided to ditch everything I was doing and went back to the kitchen to make breakfast for my family. It felt worthwhile. I disinfected the kitchen surfaces and I watered the plant. It wasn’t dead. It also helps that it was a cactus.

Whatever you decide to do with this year is fine.

Happy new year.