I sometimes forget and stand up too quickly or make a sharp turn but the pain quickly reminds me of its presence. It used to last longer but I’ve grown more and more used to it. Sometimes I sit for too long and quickly remember I have to keep my body active or else, my lovely friend pain will come striking like a sword. Sometimes I have to keep warm at night, warmer than usual. Because I have a metal plate in my body that as we all know expands and contracts at the slight change in temperature. Also, very annoying and unpleasant.

In the beginning, I fought with the pain. Mentally. I felt more pain the day of the accident than my brain could synthesize! And for a long time, my own brain simply couldn’t comprehend the pain. My doctor gave me numbers each day.

 "So Damaris, where are we today?"
 " 9 out of ten"

And that was on a good day.

With time, my mind started to understand the pain. With time, my body accepted the pain. I stopped fighting. It started to fix and heal itself. And the pain that had become so fond of me stopped coming as often. I became more and more confident with my body. I stopped fearing for my own body. I stopped fearing the pain. Simply put, delulu.

I remember the day of the accident. I heard a loud explosion. I think a screeching sound from car tires and then darkness. Silence. The next thing I saw were car headlights, and my body was in the middle of the highway. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I really thought I was either dead or moments away from dying. I remember someone screaming something about my leg. I don’t remember the exact words. And when I checked, the pain came raging like a storm! My mind flashes back to different parts of the accident, and every day, I remember something new, but I’ll spare you the details. (Just imagine a very graphic worst-case scenario)

A friend of mine ever told me my life is a movie. And another that I’m constantly looking for death. I am a naturally clumsy person. I trip easily and break things. I do things very slowly (but only because I don’t like to be rushed). So I guess this accident really proved that my life is like a movie. We can argue about “constantly looking for death” because I do believe death is inevitable. All you could do about death is make your life count.

The worst could have happened that day and death stared at me right in the face. I saw my heart in a bloody casket (dark). At this rate, I’m going to put a sensitive read alert lol!

With all this negative shit happening to me you won’t believe how much love and care and support I got. From family and friends and my, Doctor, my physiotherapist, and a special thanks to my anesthesiologist. You guys make me want to cry because what was all that love? I’m so happy you guys dedicated your time to ensure that I’m okay. And four months later I’m still not able to write this without crying. ( come on now )

My family really took care of me because they are the best. My mum and brothers are the best. That is what you call love.

You guys came through. I want to thank Dr. Sang (my anesthesiologist)… You won’t believe that he noticed I was anxious before the surgery and held my hand for three hours. THREE HOURS! Can your bf do that? (Just joking) 🙂

It’s been months now. And that accident broke me physically but it didn’t shake me. That’s why this blog is called “UNSHAKABLE YOU”. And that’s why I have to publish this story. Because my story has to be told. I don’t know who will read this story. I don’t know how many people will see this but I have to tell you. Life is so fragile. You could die now. Take care of yourself as though you could die now. Love yourself that much. utakua God’s strongest soldier kila siku?

That is all. Go away now!!

Ps: when I was in the hospital three months ago my cousin said “One day this will just be a blog”. Davie this one is for you.