Hello. Thank you for giving this title a read. I hope it’s worth 10 minutes of your time.

I have recently been reading my previous blogs from the past year back to back. Some have been lovely. Some reminded me of my younger self. I remember a blog about love it’s called burgers. Now that has made me laugh. While I am not taking back my words,(It’s been months since we broke up) It reminded me of how heartbreak feels. And that is the reason for this article.

First of all, love is all you know, a lot of fairy tales until it’s not. You meet someone, they sweep you off your feet, and you fall in love. Then the arguments and the work comes into play. At this point, there are two kinds of people. The ones who stay and make it work and become forgiving. While there are those who screw up some more. The reason why the forgiving person doesn’t leave is mostly because of the trauma cycle. They need to forgive because they don’t want to imagine how much life would suck without this person. They have a hole in their lives that this person keeps filling. It could be money, attention, or validation. These people have an itch to be kept rather than growing some balls and finding real love. Because mostly they are not loved/in love. I digress.

My case isn’t any different. I needed to grow some balls and tell this person that I wasn’t really in love with them. But with their attention. I swear the phone felt a little heavier than usual when I picked it up to call him that morning to tell him that. And the trajectory of that conversation would have been very different that day. But it didn’t. It went exactly the way I was afraid of. It felt like someone punched me 261 times in my stomach as he agreed to end the relationship. And when he told me to do what was best for me, it felt like I was in surgery without anesthesia. What I was afraid of was coming true. A future I was afraid to pursue but was right here in this moment with me. Where to just begin.

Well. What did I expect? Heartbreak sucks. It’s not the easiest pain to encounter. And while I am happy that all turned out to be for the better, I realized that owning up to your mistakes makes the pain so much easier. I realized that I was never the best girlfriend in the world. I had my flaws and mistakes. And the best you could do is let time heal itself. The pain is necessary. To deny pain is to deny potential. And of course, being single at the moment is teaching me lessons. I am learning to love myself better. I am learning self-acceptance. I am learning to find happiness. In solving life’s problems.

Personally, I am beginning to find happiness in being alone. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not those people who say I don’t need a man to be happy. In fact, I do need men. I have male friends. I have male siblings and family. Young queens and kings out there. We are confusing way too many things for love. Using your partner to fill up your holes is only a time bomb waiting to happen. Making your partner deal with your problems is a heartbreak waiting to happen. True happiness is found in solving problems and that means if you really love them, you let them solve their own problems. Don’t use your partner as an escape from your problems. Rather if you really love them support them as they solve their problems. Notice the difference.

The reason why heartbreak feels like a bitch is because. We are so used to seeing these people give us love and affection. But when the relationship is over, it’s all cold, dark, and empty. Emotional pain is the worst. But it’s necessary. One of the best changes and decisions are made at our lowest points. I could go on and on about why pain is important. But also there’s a hard pill to swallow. No, not everyone will ‘find love’ in this lifetime because Love is high vibrational. Love is benevolent. Love is honest, kind, and liberating. What most (including old me) want is to be kept, accepted, attached, and validated. That is not love. We cannot create love. We need to become it, then embrace it. In light. But lower vibrational energies will answer your call and bring you a ‘lover’ because your desire is rooted in fear and fear is a hell of a feast.